Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
