Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
