How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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