If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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