Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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