dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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