sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
