At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
