he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can feel your judgement through the phone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
