Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
