Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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