You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
