OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
