why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it glows. i had to have it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
