can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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