bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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