Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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