I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
