have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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