Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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