I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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