What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
