i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
