1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
