Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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