Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
