you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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