Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
