I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
