apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
