I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
