she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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