he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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