Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
