I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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