In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
