Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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