you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
