New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
