Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
