she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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