just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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