He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize