I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
