JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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