Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
