What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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