Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize