remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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