why didn't you poke me back
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
