Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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