im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
