I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
