I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
