Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
