One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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