sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
