I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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