WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
