Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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