I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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