I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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